my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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