Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
