You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
