he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it was like having sex with a tree stump
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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