i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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