I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
