I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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