you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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