the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
