I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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