Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
