A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
