i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
