And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
