he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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