My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
