VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
