Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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