Do you still have your period?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just had sex bonerless
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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