Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york

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  (631): peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york http://tfl.nu/xd1t
  Replies (13) Good night (3025) Bad night (691)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner

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  (206): I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner http://tfl.nu/6elk
  Replies (2) Good night (2833) Bad night (631)
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  (631): View more from New York

  She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina

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  (631): She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina http://tfl.nu/7w0w
  Replies (50) Good night (1647) Bad night (8096)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was

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  (928): im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was http://tfl.nu/g5u7
  Replies (4) Good night (2354) Bad night (935)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.

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  (971): He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character. http://tfl.nu/w2hk
  Replies (8) Good night (975) Bad night (2306)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.

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  (913): Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well. http://tfl.nu/px83
  Replies (4) Good night (1143) Bad night (673)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.

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  (720): Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad. http://tfl.nu/6s4w
  Replies (4) Good night (607) Bad night (1021)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out

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  (412): I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out http://tfl.nu/phlg
  Replies (6) Good night (1120) Bad night (510)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Gotta love Minnesota

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  (612): Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door. (917): Gotta love Minnesota http://tfl.nu/qkph
  Replies (3) Good night (930) Bad night (374)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.

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  (904): Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here. http://tfl.nu/5mlv
  Replies (1) Good night (492) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed

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  (843): yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed http://tfl.nu/7mxw
  Replies (5) Good night (351) Bad night (542)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..

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  (407): Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks.. http://tfl.nu/vp4f
  Replies (1) Good night (390) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?

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  (603): What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time? http://tfl.nu/dfic
  Replies (12) Good night (256) Bad night (831)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.

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  (941): she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that. http://tfl.nu/ju83
  Replies (0) Good night (355) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."

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  (571): I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar." http://tfl.nu/n1ur
  Replies (4) Good night (428) Bad night (184)

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