I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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