he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
