you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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