I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
