i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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