yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
