Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
