Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
