the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
