Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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