i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize