I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
