it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
