He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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