he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
