I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
