The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Randomize
