I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
