better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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