I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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