The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
