This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
