grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
