she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
