her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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