Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
