the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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