my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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