I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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