good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
