Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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