college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That accounts for only three of the penises
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
