everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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