i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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