Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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