I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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