I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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