i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
