We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
