Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
