we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
