In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
