What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
