ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
