Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
