I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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