they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
