the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My liver just had a heart attack.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
