Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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